What I have always loved the most, and it brings tears to my eyes and love to my heart, is softball. Really. Softball taught me about so many components of life… competition, unconditional love, appreciation for nature and being outdoors, teamwork, connection (to many things), camaraderie, respect, integrity, structure, overcoming injury and fear and frustration, determination, perfectionism, striving to be the best I can be, sharing, compassion for others, appreciation of sights, sounds, smells… the bigger picture and the finite details. It taught me finesse and confidence, strength and power, pure will, and to trust my instincts, intuition, and insights. Who would have thought a game – in its purist form – could offer so very much for the rest of my life?
I can still smell the dirt and grass and sweat… I can hear and feel my cleats on the infield and outfield and cement… I remember the freedom and power of what it felt like to hit the ball on the sweet spot of the bat and the noise it made as well as the finesse of bunting with soft hands and being able to put the ball wherever I wanted… I remember the pleasure of diving and sliding and getting dirty and the smell of that dirt and satisfaction of stealing yet another base or making a diving a catch… I remember thinking that being on the field and playing was like breathing to me… it was my air… it was my bliss. The passion and love for the game or feeling this way is still palpable for me.
It was also a way for my grandfather and I to connect. He was my biggest fan. He taught me “how to throw and run like a boy.” He spent many hours and days practicing with me, teaching me. He even painted a diamond for me across from his house in a parking lot where we spent those many hours. I miss him so. I miss that connection to him and to others and to the game and the field.
I had never related all these things to bliss, but that is exactly what it was for me… BLISS – pure and unadulterated… the most pure thing I had ever experienced. It was indeed my sanctuary, my connection to Spirit, to God, to something greater. I see it now… what I did not have words for back then… the total surrender to something I loved and felt one with… the total trust in myself, the game, and the field… the instincts and insights I had even then, beyond some of my teammates and coaches – something I could not explain… I trusted them all… I surrendered to it all… I allowed myself to be immersed, my whole being – body, mind, soul… Playing was truly a soul experience for me.
This then, in the natural order of things, brings me to the question… what can I play now to feel that bliss again? What is here for me to use those tools I so naturally used to play softball? And, the big question… How will I use them more mindfully in life now?
These questions I pose to you to ponder as well including… What have you always loved the most? (Please note this question was asked through a class I am taking called, Living Your Personal Myth given by Michael Mervosh and The Hero’s Journey Foundation – http://www.herosjourneyfoundation.org).
Many blessings, love and light,
Michaelene
Michaelene Ruhl, PsyD 